Love Types
If It's true that love makes the world go 'round, why is it so hard to keep the love alive in relationships. Knowing your Enneagram type can help you in your search for true love. If you're already in a relationship, the Enneagram can help you understand and love each other better. Here's a brief description of the nine types in relationship. If you'd like an individual or couples Enneagram consultation, please email me at julia@goldenbodywisdom.com.
Type One––The Humanitarian
What matters most in a relationship
Ones want to be loved and accepted just the way they are without being judged or criticized. They’re very critical of themselves, so being accepted by their mate really helps.
What’s great about Ones
They’re helpful and supportive in practical ways; you can count on them to be honest, thoughtful, and responsible; they want the relationship to be a good one and will work on it to make it better.
What do Ones want to avoid
They want to avoid making a mistake. Ones are afraid they’ll make the wrong decision, whether that’s selecting a partner or deciding to have a family. It seems to them that all decisions are final and irreversible.
Loving your One
They like genuine appreciation for how well they take care of things. Ones also like to take care of items on the to-do list, work on humanitarian efforts, and spend time in nature with their mate.
What’s challenging for others
Partners of Ones often feel like they’re not good enough––Ones generally aren’t aware of how critical they are of others. It also can be tough for their mate to do the right and responsible thing most of the time with very little time for relaxing and enjoying life.
Type Two––The Lover
What matters most in a relationship
Twos want to feel that heart to heart love connection with their mate. They want to know that their mate likes and appreciates their open and loving nature.
What’s great about Twos
Twos see the very best in their mate. They are loving, romantic, warm, supportive, and good listeners.
What do Twos want to avoid
It’s very painful for Twos to be rejected or feel that someone doesn’t love them. They’re also afraid that if they’re too needy, sad or depressed no one will love them.
Loving your Two
Twos love the three A’s––affection, approval, and attention. They also like to be listened to the same way they listen to others––with compassion and acceptance.
What’s challenging for others
Twos have a tendency to over accommodate in the beginning of a relationship. After awhile, the well runs dry, they realize they’ve over-given and left themselves behind in the process––at this point Twos can get surprisingly angry and blaming.
Type Three––The Manifestor
What matters most in a relationship
Threes want their relationship to be positive and successful. They want it to work well and be easy with little time spent on things that are negative or challenging.
What’s great about Threes
Threes have confidence and an optimistic attitude which they share with their mate. They will do everything they can to help you be successful. They’ll champion you to your goals and be proud of you when you get there.
What Do Threes want to avoid
Threes want to avoid failing––not just in relationships, but failure in general is unacceptable. They also want to avoid having their image tarnished––it’s hard for them to fall short of a goal or even finish in second place.
Loving your Three
Threes love to get things done––accomplish the tasks and be creative together. They also like to be appreciated for their hard work and how well they provide for you and the family. Give them time to pursue their goals but be sure to ask for relationship time.
What’s challenging for others
Threes are very busy working and being successful––relationships often take a back seat and their mates can feel left out and unloved. They also want to be the one in control to make sure things get done––this can make having shared power in the relationship difficult.
Type Four––The Seeker
What matters most in a relationship
Fours want to be met completely within the heart, loved, and never left. They want to connect in a deep and romantic way but also need plenty of time and space to be alone.
What’s great about Fours
Fours are romantic, creative, and search for the deeper meaning of life. They’ll be right with you when you’re going through something painful and will support you in being true to yourself.
What Fours want to avoid
Being abandoned is very painful for Fours––it leaves a big hole in their heart of overwhelming sadness and longing. Even though they want to avoid being left, Fours believe it’s just a matter of time before their lover abandons them.
Loving your Four
Love them completely and deeply and also give them time alone to be creative and connect with their spirituality. Keep yourself centered and grounded and don’t go on the roller coaster of their emotional highs and lows. Be romantic and let them know you’re not leaving them.
What’s challenging for others
Fours have a strong push-pull pattern in relationships, They pull you into the relationship with seduction and romance and then get disappointed, critical, and push their mate away. Something essential is often missing for the Four in a relationship and their partner can end up feeling inadequate.
Type Five––The Sage
What matters most in a relationship
Fives want to have a meeting of the minds and be able to talk about their ideas in a thoughtful way with their mate. They also like to have plenty of alone time to read, think, and surf the internet––this recharges the battery.
What’s great about Fives
Fives are wise, honest, much more sensitive than they appear, and have a subtle sweetness. They also have the ability to accurately see the big picture and express it with laser like clarity.
What Fives want to avoid
Fives are afraid they’re not going to know enough and not going to be enough for their mate. They like to have control over how they spend their time and energy when they’re in a relationship and appreciate it when their partner understands their need for private time.
Loving your Five
Respect them for their bright minds, clarity and ideas. Spend time with them in a quiet way. Most Fives like to share things on a non-verbal level––like watching a beautiful sunset, listening to an inspiring piece of music, or skiing down a steep run together.
What’s challenging for others
The Fives need for private time and space can feel like rejection or a lack of caring to their mate. They’re also sensitive to being controlled and will often withdraw if they begin to feel controlled.
Type Six––The Truthsayer
What matters most in a relationship
Sixes want to be in a trusting, safe, and dependable relationship. It’s important they be able to talk through everything with their partner in a rational way. Loyalty is also essential.
What’s great about Sixes
Sixes are warm, trustworthy, and dependable. They have a great sense of humor, and are very real and unpretentious. They are loyal and committed and will stay in the relationship through the tough times.
What Sixes want to avoid
Sixes have a fair amount of fear, so they want to avoid being lied to, being betrayed, being taken for a ride financially, or being left through divorce or death.
Loving your Six
You can see the theme of mistrust and doubt with the Six, so talk about their concerns in a practical and rational way. Don’t try to talk them out of their fear––this just makes them think you don’t understand the problem which creates more mistrust. Allow trust to develop gradually in the relationship and enjoy their sense of humor.
What’s challenging for others
Sixes have contradictory aspects that can be tough for their mates––they are rebellious but loyal, want to move forward but then put the brakes on, are warm but also prickly and contentious. For those who have less fear, the Sixes doubt and mistrust can be difficult.
Type Seven––The Visionary
What matters most in a relationship
Sevens want to be adored by their mate. They want to be with someone who will enjoy all the fun, interesting, and exciting things in life with them while giving them the freedom they need to explore and have adventures.
What’s great about Sevens
Sevens have an infectious joy and love to living life to the fullest. They are spontaneous, lighthearted, fun to be with, have a good imagination, and see the bright side in difficult situations. They can be romantic and want their mate to have as much fun in life as they have.
What Sevens want to avoid
Sevens don’t like to be restricted or limited in a relationship––they need to have their options open to be able to do all the exciting things they dream about. Sevens also don’t want to be a disappointment to their mate nor do they want life itself to be a disappointment––this is why they’re so intent on tasting all the best life has to offer without missing out on anything.
Loving your Seven
Share the fun and interesting things in life with them, get excited about their plans and dreams for the future, be positive and happy, and give them the freedom to pursue their many interests. They want their mate to be happy and adore them, so let them know in a positive way what you want.
What’s challenging for others
Sevens have little tolerance for discussing problems in the relationship. If their mate is feeling down or depressed the Seven wants them to get over it quickly. They also can be critical and angry when they feel limited or restricted and either leave the situation or get out of the relationship all together.
Type Eight––The Warrior
What’s most important in a relationship
Eights want to be with someone who’s truthful and honest, someone who will stand up to them but allow them to be the one calling the shots. They also want to be with a mate they can have fun with.
What’s great about Eights
Eights are very protective of their mate and children. They will do whatever it takes to make life safe for them and can be very big hearted and generous. They are tough and strong on the outside and tender and loving on the inside. They have lots of energy and life life to the fullest.
What Eights want to avoid
The reason Eights want to be the one in control is that they’re afraid someone is going to control them and be abusive with that control––it just feels natural for them to be the boss. They also don’t ever want to be weak, vulnerable, or dependent.
Loving your Eight
Eights want to be met energetically––tell them the truth even if it’s bad news, stand up for what you believe and be willing to put your cars on the table. Eights develop intimacy through sex and fighting(not physically of course) because these feel real and honest to an Eight. Join them in living life to the fullest.
What’s challenging for others
Eights have a confrontational style and don’t realize the intimidating force and energy of their anger. They expect the other person to be able to recover from a conflict as quickly as they do. Eights also want to be the one in control––sharing power in the relationship is difficult. They also aren’t good at apologizing––it feels like they’re being weak.
Type Nine––The Unifier
What matters most in a relationship
Nines want to be in a relaxed, harmonious, and peaceful relationship with little to no conflict. They want to have a feeling of belonging, and of being included in their mate’s life. Nines enjoy just hanging out with their partner and feeling the connection.
What’s great about Nines
Nines are truly empathetic, kind, supportive, and accepting. They listen well, are comfortable to be with, and are genuinely accepting.
What Nines want to avoid
Nines are very uncomfortable with conflict and avoid it has much as possible. They also don’t like change or separations because they get quite attached to homes, friends and family, and routines.
Nines also have a fear of being left out and abandoned.
Loving your Nine
Hang out with your Nine doing everyday things and just go with the flow. Nines think what they want doesn’t matter that much, so ask them what they would like to do, in an easy, no pressure kind of way. Let them know they are important to you and what you appreciate about them.
What’s challenging for others
Nines can have a difficult time making decisions. Sometimes they say yes in the moment when they really mean no or maybe. They move through life at a slower pace than most of us and this can be annoying if you’re a fast-paced type. Because Nines don’t like conflict, they tend to express their anger in a passive-aggressive way.
© 2009 Julia Foster. All rights reserved.
|